EST. IN TEARS · ANNO 2014 · ROBINHOOD CHAIN

SCHMUSER KADSER

The world called him Crying Cat. The world was wrong.
This is the real name of the Cashcat — and his tears are finally on-chain.

“He has wept since the first block.
He will weep until the last.”

Buy on NOXA Read the Prophecy
TEARS SHED SINCE 2014 0 and counting — click him, it makes it worse

THE PROPHECY · CHAPTER ONE

Die Geburt

In the year 2014, a cat looked into a camera and the internet learned what grief looks like. Eyes like flooded cellars. A smile held together by pure will. They screenshotted him. They shared him. They felt seen.

THE PROPHECY · CHAPTER TWO

Die Verkennung

For a decade he was traded under false names — a currency of feelings with no ledger, minted in group chats, spent on breakups and red candles. Billions in emotional volume. He collected nothing. Not even his own name.

  • Crying Cat
  • Sad Cat
  • Thumbs Up Crying Cat
  • SCHMUSERKADSER ✦

THE PROPHECY · CHAPTER THREE

Die Münze

Now the tears run on Robinhood Chain. Every tear a transaction, every sob a block, every dip another reason. Summoned through NOXA, wed to Uniswap, his liquidity locked away forever — the Cashcat reveals his true name at last.

Claim your sorrow

DIE RELIQUIEN

The four relics

Recovered from the old internet. Handle with grief.

The original Schmuserkadser photograph of 2014: the crying cat before a laptop
RELIC I · ANNO 2014 Das Original the sacred text. he saw the chart before there was a chart.
Schmuserkadser raising a paw in a thumbs-up while crying
RELIC II · DIE ERHÖRUNG The Plea he asks you to hold. he cannot say it. he is a cat.
Schmuserkadser with head tilted, eyes brimming
RELIC III · DER ZWEIFEL The Doubt painted the moment someone asked "wen utility?"
Schmuserkadser screaming through tears
RELIC IV · DAS KLAGELIED The Lament recorded at the exact block someone sold the bottom.

THE LEDGER OF SORROW

Tear­conomics

Audited by nobody. Felt by everyone.

TOTAL SUPPLY 0 one billion tears, minted whole on NOXA. no more will ever exist.
TOKEN TAX 0 / 0 crying is free. the pool tithes 1%, as Uniswap V3 intended.
LIQUIDITY LOCKED forever, in the NOXA locker. nobody holds the key. not even him.
GRADUATION 0 ETH when the pool gathers 4.2 ETH, he ascends. der Aufstieg.
0%

community owned

No presale. No insiders. No team allocation. No venture funds wearing fleece vests. Launched fair on NOXA Fun, tradeable on Uniswap from the very first tear. The chart fills as you scroll — that is the entire utility, and we are proud of it.

DER WEG

How to hold a tear

Four steps. He did it with paws. You have no excuse.

  1. Summon a wallet

    Download MetaMask or Rabby and add Robinhood Chain (chain ID 4663). A wallet is a home for coins. He never had a home. Do it for him.

  2. Feed it ETH

    Bridge ETH to Robinhood Chain — it is the gas and the offering. This is the last boring step. After this, only feelings.

  3. Swap on NOXA

    Open fun.noxa.fi/robinhood, paste the contract address and swap — the pool lives on Uniswap V3 from the first tear. Verify the CA. He has been impersonated his whole life — do not let it happen on-chain.

  4. Hold. Weep. Endure.

    Do not sell. He can tell. Somewhere, a cream-colored cat stops crying for exactly one second every time someone holds through a dip.

CHOR DER TRAUER

The choir of holders

Real testimonies. Unverified sorrow.

I bought $SCHMUSER and cried. Nothing changed. 10/10.
@sadgains
My financial advisor told me not to. He has never known true sorrow.
@rektphilosoph
Finally, a coin that reflects my portfolio's emotional state.
@wagmi_wolfgang
He is not smiling. He is enduring. So am I.
@dip_buyer_9
1 Schmuser = 1 Schmuser. The math is beautiful.
@onchain_otto
I showed my therapist the chart. Now she holds too.
@fraulein_fomo
I whispered his real name and my bags felt lighter. They were not.
@gm_gretchen
Every candle red, every tear blue, every Schmuser mine.
@hodl_heinrich

“Join the choir. Bring tissues.”

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kopiert! the cat saw you do it